Letting go.

“All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.”
 Havelock Ellis

There are oh so many things that I have let go of recently. A partner, friends, and most recently...habits.

This particular habit is considered the dumbest, most unhealthy of all. But how I loved it so. And it completely clashed with the very essence of who I am. But it was a comfort. It was like an old friend. We'd been well versed with one another for over 15 years...off and on we'd spend time together. Through good times and bad this habit carried me. Like a a habitual crutch.

Smoking.

Ah, how despicably romantic our relationship was.

It began in High School . It created an opener for conversation like nothing else..."Hey, do you have another cigarette/light?". Instant friends. Then it was a time killer (not to mention a health killer too...). When bored, sit and smoke.
And in college? What better way to bond with other people in the quad than sit with your morning coffee, a pack of camel lights and a story about the night before?

There was something so 1940's pin-up/Parisian/bohemian chic about the whole smoking thing. How I loved having a cocktail/beer with a smoke while sitting outside at a cafe. Or while in NYC, before the bans- in a bar...


Eventually my now ex-husband inspired me to mostly, 99% quit. He was VERY bothered by my smoking. However, he never nagged me to stop. Usually if a person nagged it just made me smoke more...But because I cared so much for him, and was making many lifestyle changes anyway quitting was simple. No more buying cigarettes. They were unhealthy (which I was trying to become more healthy...), and they smell. But the key to this was allowing myself to smoke socially. I took it down a notch. A lot of notches actually.
And at this point I was really into working out. So it was better this way.

Flash forward to July 27th of 2010.

My entire world crumbled around me. I had everything I thought that I wanted smashed fell apart.

What a perfect time to be happily reunited with my friend tobacco. Oh boy...and since then I just languished between smoking heavily to socially.

And then I decided that the person that I want to be is not a smoker.

So I quit. It's been a few weeks more or less, with minimal (one) wavering moment...but I've been
able to let go and move on from smoking. It's not easy, or fun because sometimes things seem better with it. Like coffee. Or a really deep conversation. But I know all good things must often come to an end. 

Good bye cigs. I sometimes miss you, but I'm glad you're gone. I'm ready to replace you with better things. MUCH better things.

Letting go is sometimes scary- but it's worth it to see what wonderful things come from it.