Dating in your Teens vs. Dating in your 30's

 This is entirely satirical. I meant to post it in March of last year but got distracted. No emails flaming me b/c I know this isn't how things are in the dating world. Read, and (hopefully)laugh.

Dating in your Teens:

-         Your boyfriend is your life! You spend every moment together…but when you’re not together you page (I was a teenager in the 90’s, we beeped/paged each other- you know, prehistoric texting…) incessantly. You are obsessed with each other.

     -      You are probably really optimistic about your boyfriend. He's probably really sweet, you think              about marrying him. But not before you go to the same college, your relationship is strong enough.
              That’s a super idea. SO going happen!!

-         He brings you home at curfew, because he’s kind of scared of your dad.

-         It takes you 45 minutes, and 2 friends to get your hair and make up done for your date.

-         He picks you up in his parents Volvo…SO COOL!

-         He pays for the movie and dinner, you think he’s the most romantic guy ever. SUCH a gentleman.

-         You save everything from when you go out with him so you can make him a scrap-book. Your friends think this is a great idea,“He’s going to love it! How could he not?!” they proclaim knowingly.

-         When he breaks up with you, you burn the box of stuff from when you were “together…sigh”; your friends pick you up and take you to the mall.

-         When you see him at the mall with another girl, you run to the bathroom and cry. Hard.

-         Your friends will follow you into the bathroom, fix you up…so you can confront this jerk.

-         When you finish making a scene, ((LOUDLY telling the guy (and the entire food court) he’s a sub-par kisser- you’ve had  better but he never will, telling the girl he’s slumming it to enjoy your sloppy seconds then flipping your hair -signaling your friends to do the same) then storming off)) you feel validated and move on. It’s better that way because the school he wanted to go to didn’t have your major anyway…

-         While in line at the guidance counselors office you see that cute guy from Bio. His name is Kyle. You thought is was Geoff…He seems kind of cute, and he’s applying to the same school so you MUST be soulmates!! 

Dating in your 30’s

-         Your job/friends/cat(s) is/are your life! You spend every moment together…but when you’re not together you  text/call/check email incessantly. You are obsessed with Your job/friends/cat(s). Oh, you’re kind of seeing a guy, but you think he might be married/homicidal/emotionally un-available/intimidated by you/living with his parents. He does text you once and while- but never calls, and he never wants to go to his place…hmm.

-         He calls you a cab home, because he’s never met your dad-and he has work in the morning.

-         It takes you 45 minutes, and 2 friends to get your spanx on for your date.

-         He picks you up in his parents Volvo…Not so cool. Sigh.

-         You pay for the movie and dinner; he’s the least romantic guy ever. But he called.

-         When he breaks up with you, your friends pick you up and take you to the bar.

-         When you see him at the bar with another girl, you run to the bathroom and puke. Hard.

-         Your friends will follow you into the bathroom, fix you up...but beg you not to make a scene.

-         When you finish making a scene, ((LOUDLY telling the guy (and the entire bar) he’s a sub-par lay- you’ve had  better but he never will, telling the girl he’s slumming it to enjoy your sloppy seconds then flipping your hair(getting it caught in your earrings while your friends are trying to pull your skirt out of your pantyhose )) you feel validated and move on.

-         While waiting at your therapists office you see that cute guy from work. His name is Steve. You thought is was Geoff…He seems kind of cute, and he’s got  an Rx for the same meds as you, so you MUST be soulmates!!

362.5 days...

That I've been divorced.

Reflecting backwards and looking optimistically forward is common this year. I've done it a lot. At all different times.

Right now I'm approaching a mile stone. I'm almost divorced for one full year.

WOW.

In the past few months there have been other milestones that have tugged at my heart. Moments where I thought back to different times. And I think about who, and how I was then compared to now.


I'm not in a place I thought I'd be right now- but I will say this much.

Right now, almost a year from my divorce I am really truly happy.

It's been a while...

...Life is good.

And that is a huge understatement.

In the past few months I've kind of petered off the blog scene. There was lot happening. Not like wild crazy jet-setting.


But now this blog is about to change direction.
If you've read my earlier entries you know that this whole journey started off as a solo mission. I was living on my own, and out in the field dating.

Not the case anymore. Now I've got a super fun roomie and an incredible boyfriend.
 I have (another) new job too. Isn't it funny how things like that happen. It's sort of like when a sitcom changes an actor/actress between seasons. It's not horrible but you aren't sure exactly whats going on.

The summer went by pretty fast. I turned 30, fell in love, figured out how to not suck at my job, stayed quit from smoking, lost/gained friends, and rearranged my room/priorities.


I've got lots to say moving forward and I promise that it won't be just about how cute my * "shmoopy boopy" boyfriend is, or how responsible I am (insert gagging noise here). While some things in my life have shifted, and changed, myself included....it's still pretty(mildly?) interesting.






* I would never seriously call my boyfriend my shmoopy boopy anything. What the fuck dude? I'm not an asshole.


Ok, so total non-sequitur.


Here are the top 10 way's to make somebody's day/ 10 altruistic things to do for fun




10) Pay the toll for the person behind you (this obviously only works when you're not using EZpass. So thats me and 6 other people I guess). If you do have EZpass, pay for the person in line behind you somewhere, like a cup of coffee, or a news stand.


9) Hold the door for somebody who wouldn't expect a door held for them. I'm barely 5'2", and not a big girl, but will hold the door for a construction worker just to see the bemused look on their face. Small acts of consideration are meaningful and easy to do.


8) If you see an expired parking meter- put a quarter in it. Nobody likes getting a ticket- so help prevent others from that fate. It's us against the meter maids!! (Obviously with so many muni-meters being put up, this too is becoming more difficult, but when you can, you should try :D)


7) Smile. Seriously, something so simple and free can change an entire day for somebody. I've been in Penn Station during rush hour and it looks like everyone is sucking on lemons. SO sad. And unfortunately a large majority of people look at me like I'm crazy when I offer a "hey there, we're all waiting for a train lets not look so sour" smile. It's worth it when you see the people who need a friendly face break into a grin and you know you've made a difference.


6) Over-tip. At Starbucks, at a diner, at Le Cirque. Just do it. Don't whip out the tip calculator app on your phone...don't fight with your dining companions on who pays what and if the server deserves 5-10% or the full 15%. The people (PEOPLE) who handle your food work really hard for their money. Just give them 25%. It feels good to know that you made somebody's night/day.


5)Surprising a friend with snail mail. It's always nice to get a letter in the mail that isn't a bill. ALSO, help keep the U.S. Postal service in business.


4) Let a mom with kids go in front of you at the supermarket. Even if she has a gazillion things. Don't make her wait behind you and longer than she has to with the chorus of " mommaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!! Can we pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaase get thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis?!!!" from her miscellaneous 3-7 year olds? Have a heart. One day you're going to be the one with the screaming kids begging for the 10 gallon drum of blue #40 and hydrogenated pokemon bones


3) Compliment. Loudly, Sincerely, and often. People love to be complimented. Those who say that they don't are lying or Amish. And try to go for something less obvious. Eyes? Too romantic (unless you're trying to woo the person you're complimenting...but on the subway the lady in the "I'm K-ray-Z for Kats" sweatshirt is better being complimented on kick ass vintage handbag, or not at all. (also, I don't know why a woman with that sweatshirt would pair it with a kick ass vintage handbag, but I've seen it and it happens. Also when I complimented her on the handbag I swear she purred. Fucking New York City Man....) But I digress...


2) Call your graandma/great aunt Lulu, mom- whomever. They want to hear from you. They love you. They worry about you. Are you cold? hungry? Who are you?! ...wait what? Just call them. Now.


1) Wipe down the equipment you use at the gym. Meticulously. While this might not be changing the world, or the lives of millions- the next person who hops on that elliptical/bike/ab-smasher- will be extremely thankful.




There you have it. More madness to come.


!S

I'm Not Gay With My Roommate.

Enough was enough.

This past Spring I decided that as much as I wanted to be "out there, on my own"- the level of stress in my life was getting to be just a bit ridiculous.
And I am perfectly fine not living on my own- I suppose having a roommate would be a fine way to learn how to be a better partner in so many ways for certain.
So while I didn't really want a roommate, I decided to let my bff/soul sister Melanie move into my apartment. She coincidentally needed to move out of her current situation so it did make sense. Plus we always had fun together. Why not?

Well- just some back ground info to consider:

Both Mel and I have both recently ended long-term serious relationships (a marriage and engagement respectively). Our instinct is to nurture and take care of our partners. Now since we are eerily similar on so many planes, it's very strange to most people to see us interact. Often it's presumed that we are a couple. While I happen to be VERY pro-Gay rights/marriage/etc, (seriously if I were more Pro-Gay I'd actually be a rainbow)- I am not gay with my roommate.

This assumption proves to be more amusing than anything else, but sometimes we hear the things that come out of our mouths, or watch the way we're behaving and stop to say "this is so gay". And not in the way 18 year old the mall say it referring to somebody's bad outfit or choice in meal from the food court.
We just take care of one another.
If one of us is hungry, we'll get the other food. If one of us is sad, we're there for one another.

So, no- I may not be living on my own, but very often in life we find ourselves stranded up shits creek without a paddle; why not have good company while you are?

Letting go.

“All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.”
 Havelock Ellis

There are oh so many things that I have let go of recently. A partner, friends, and most recently...habits.

This particular habit is considered the dumbest, most unhealthy of all. But how I loved it so. And it completely clashed with the very essence of who I am. But it was a comfort. It was like an old friend. We'd been well versed with one another for over 15 years...off and on we'd spend time together. Through good times and bad this habit carried me. Like a a habitual crutch.

Smoking.

Ah, how despicably romantic our relationship was.

It began in High School . It created an opener for conversation like nothing else..."Hey, do you have another cigarette/light?". Instant friends. Then it was a time killer (not to mention a health killer too...). When bored, sit and smoke.
And in college? What better way to bond with other people in the quad than sit with your morning coffee, a pack of camel lights and a story about the night before?

There was something so 1940's pin-up/Parisian/bohemian chic about the whole smoking thing. How I loved having a cocktail/beer with a smoke while sitting outside at a cafe. Or while in NYC, before the bans- in a bar...


Eventually my now ex-husband inspired me to mostly, 99% quit. He was VERY bothered by my smoking. However, he never nagged me to stop. Usually if a person nagged it just made me smoke more...But because I cared so much for him, and was making many lifestyle changes anyway quitting was simple. No more buying cigarettes. They were unhealthy (which I was trying to become more healthy...), and they smell. But the key to this was allowing myself to smoke socially. I took it down a notch. A lot of notches actually.
And at this point I was really into working out. So it was better this way.

Flash forward to July 27th of 2010.

My entire world crumbled around me. I had everything I thought that I wanted smashed fell apart.

What a perfect time to be happily reunited with my friend tobacco. Oh boy...and since then I just languished between smoking heavily to socially.

And then I decided that the person that I want to be is not a smoker.

So I quit. It's been a few weeks more or less, with minimal (one) wavering moment...but I've been
able to let go and move on from smoking. It's not easy, or fun because sometimes things seem better with it. Like coffee. Or a really deep conversation. But I know all good things must often come to an end. 

Good bye cigs. I sometimes miss you, but I'm glad you're gone. I'm ready to replace you with better things. MUCH better things.

Letting go is sometimes scary- but it's worth it to see what wonderful things come from it.

Motivated by... Fear?

Who wants to live in fear?

Certainly not I. What a completely miserable experience.

But don't most of us do things because we are afraid of what happens if we don't do them? Or on the converse side we don't do things because we're afraid of what will happen if we do?

Fear based living.

So many people seem to be afraid to embrace living based on joy, love and happiness.

There are some thing  I do and have done BECAUSE I am afraid to do them.

Getting divorced in particular. This was the scariest thing I ever have done. The what-if from both angles scared me more though. What if I stayed married to a man who didn't love me, but the idea of me? What if I stayed and had a mediocre life, what if nobody ever loves me again and I don't get married and have a family? What if, what if, what if.
Well what if my aunt had balls? She'd be my uncle.

For a while now I have decided when rational and feasible- I want to confront my fears.

Getting the big D was the first fear I faced. I decided that the 'what if' I was in an unhappy marriage for the rest of my life fear was the one I needed to confront. SO I did. And things are all as they should be. I have no doubt that I will be loved again, and eventually one day have a family. But then there is the 'what if' that I occasionally have to tune out. I'm in an amazing place in my life and the fear of change is something that thankfully isn't a concern for me.

Then there are the little fears that I can manage in a much less life altering way. A huge example is my fear of spiders. They freak me out. However my mom would tell me, and this is good advice, the spider is much more afraid of me than I am of it. And it's not the spiders fault I'm afraid of it. SO I don't kill them. I get a cup, and a magazine...and take them outside. What they do then is their business.This helps me be less scared of them as well. So there is still fear, but I face it and accept it as a part of who I am.

Fear is not something that I want to embrace, but use as a motivator to learn, grow, and be less scared. Once you face something head on, and experience it, it's less scary.

Would that make my life fear motivated? Either way, I'm motivated to do things that are scary, but worth it. Be it by taking a life changing risk, or just risking the spider moving and my not knowing where it is in my home.

An explaination. And a slightly redundant post towards the end. (Get over it.)

Quite often people make comments on how happy of a person I am.

But here's some fun information...It's because as I probably mentioned in a previous rambling online conversation with the internet...Happiness is a choice. Over the past few months/year, I've had a lot of stuff happen. Some not so good things.

A year ago I was pregnant. (With a baby- not emotion). It was one of the most wonderful moments of my life.  I wanted nothing more than to be a mother. But that was not meant to be right then- and I had no control over that.
Oddly enough, another wonderful moment was getting a divorce and knowing in the very core of my being that it was ok. Bigger and better things were ahead of me. To have that kind of peace of mind is priceless. And both of those seemingly negative things- were really opportunities for me to move onto where I am meant to be.

So yes- I'm happy.

Happy for a lot of things.

I'm happy because I saw fireflies tonight. And had a lovely day with a good friend. I'm happy because every day I wake up there are millions of miracles surrounding me that could easily be taken for granted. I'm happy because I have an awesome job. I have an amazing group of friends whom I love with my whole heart. I'm happy because it's the season where you can eat dinner outside and as the sun sets enjoy the crisp cool breeze. I'm happy because I have kidneys that work. I am happy because of all the beautiful things I get to experience. I'm happy because I've made it to almost 30 with no major sicknesses or injuries. I'm happy because people like it when I'm around them. I'm happy because I am not allergic to any foods.  I'm happy because I can draw and paint. I'm happy because I wake up every day. I'm happy because I can make people laugh. I'm happy because of the way my dog runs full speed into the wind with more joy than I can imagine. I'm happy because I can have ice cream for breakfast if I wanted. I'm happy because I grew out of my fat and awkward phase. I'm happy because I notice old people holding hands, and it makes me think about how great it'll be to be old and hold hands with the person I'm meant to be old with. I'm happy because I can cook like mofo, I'm happy because I am surrounded by GOOD people, and lots and lots of beauty.

When I do have a rare moment where I'm pissed off, or things aren't going my way- I remember all this and and get over it.


For those who can't handle my happy- that's really not my problem is it?

Whats the point of this? Basically all you can do is your best. You can't control other people, or situations. Just yourself. My prerogative is to make others happy- and in the process I become happier.