Dating in your Teens vs. Dating in your 30's

 This is entirely satirical. I meant to post it in March of last year but got distracted. No emails flaming me b/c I know this isn't how things are in the dating world. Read, and (hopefully)laugh.

Dating in your Teens:

-         Your boyfriend is your life! You spend every moment together…but when you’re not together you page (I was a teenager in the 90’s, we beeped/paged each other- you know, prehistoric texting…) incessantly. You are obsessed with each other.

     -      You are probably really optimistic about your boyfriend. He's probably really sweet, you think              about marrying him. But not before you go to the same college, your relationship is strong enough.
              That’s a super idea. SO going happen!!

-         He brings you home at curfew, because he’s kind of scared of your dad.

-         It takes you 45 minutes, and 2 friends to get your hair and make up done for your date.

-         He picks you up in his parents Volvo…SO COOL!

-         He pays for the movie and dinner, you think he’s the most romantic guy ever. SUCH a gentleman.

-         You save everything from when you go out with him so you can make him a scrap-book. Your friends think this is a great idea,“He’s going to love it! How could he not?!” they proclaim knowingly.

-         When he breaks up with you, you burn the box of stuff from when you were “together…sigh”; your friends pick you up and take you to the mall.

-         When you see him at the mall with another girl, you run to the bathroom and cry. Hard.

-         Your friends will follow you into the bathroom, fix you up…so you can confront this jerk.

-         When you finish making a scene, ((LOUDLY telling the guy (and the entire food court) he’s a sub-par kisser- you’ve had  better but he never will, telling the girl he’s slumming it to enjoy your sloppy seconds then flipping your hair -signaling your friends to do the same) then storming off)) you feel validated and move on. It’s better that way because the school he wanted to go to didn’t have your major anyway…

-         While in line at the guidance counselors office you see that cute guy from Bio. His name is Kyle. You thought is was Geoff…He seems kind of cute, and he’s applying to the same school so you MUST be soulmates!! 

Dating in your 30’s

-         Your job/friends/cat(s) is/are your life! You spend every moment together…but when you’re not together you  text/call/check email incessantly. You are obsessed with Your job/friends/cat(s). Oh, you’re kind of seeing a guy, but you think he might be married/homicidal/emotionally un-available/intimidated by you/living with his parents. He does text you once and while- but never calls, and he never wants to go to his place…hmm.

-         He calls you a cab home, because he’s never met your dad-and he has work in the morning.

-         It takes you 45 minutes, and 2 friends to get your spanx on for your date.

-         He picks you up in his parents Volvo…Not so cool. Sigh.

-         You pay for the movie and dinner; he’s the least romantic guy ever. But he called.

-         When he breaks up with you, your friends pick you up and take you to the bar.

-         When you see him at the bar with another girl, you run to the bathroom and puke. Hard.

-         Your friends will follow you into the bathroom, fix you up...but beg you not to make a scene.

-         When you finish making a scene, ((LOUDLY telling the guy (and the entire bar) he’s a sub-par lay- you’ve had  better but he never will, telling the girl he’s slumming it to enjoy your sloppy seconds then flipping your hair(getting it caught in your earrings while your friends are trying to pull your skirt out of your pantyhose )) you feel validated and move on.

-         While waiting at your therapists office you see that cute guy from work. His name is Steve. You thought is was Geoff…He seems kind of cute, and he’s got  an Rx for the same meds as you, so you MUST be soulmates!!