Dating at 29. Holy Crap I'm living the Dream...

(click this link here, hit play for good music to read this blog to)

...Or the cliche'.
Why is it that life after marriage is so strange?
I'm (thankfully) young enough in the game where people will ask me if I ever plan on getting married. To which I smirk, and say that I already have been. Then a debate of how old I am ensues. SO much fun. Does every almost 30 year old woman NEED to want to get married? Is it imperative to being a normal person to need to be connected to a man or woman?

Maybe. But that depends on a LOT. And thats not what I'm going to talk about.

Right now I'm in a place where dating is bizarre. I'm not looking to settle down and find my soulmate. I don't even want a boyfriend right now. It's nice to have company, and somebody to share thoughts, ideas and experiences with though. The dates I've gone on have me practically running back into the arms of Harry.

It's just so tedious getting to know somebody brand new. I don't particularly care for other peoples BS, especially when I don't know them, or care why they are the way they are. It's that weirdness that has led me to lose interest in the last few guys I've dated. The inflection in their voices, the way they walk, or some other random thing that sent me into a tail spin of "ew, I know I'm not perfect but everything about this person bothers me and they don't know me I just want to go HOME/I just want them to go HOME!!".

That was enough of a sign for me to take myself off the market for a bit. Yes, meeting new people is fun. I'm a professional friend maker to some extent. I love hearing about peoples lives, and learning about them...but when it comes to romantical nonsense? Right now it needs to be about me. I need to focus all the energy I'd normally put into a significant other, or even dating, and make ME my priority. I've got a new job, new apartment, NEW LIFE. How unfair it would be to myself to rebuild all that with only partial effort? You cant focus on making yourself whole, and stronger when you're wondering if what you wore to dinner was too slutty or if it made you look like you were Amish. How could I become a driven successful person if I am busy focusing on if it's ok or not to invite them out to a friends house or if it's too soon for that? And it's not fair to the person I'm on a date with.

So yeah, I'm going to date. It's a time killer- a distraction. And I do actually want to get to know people. But I don't want to think about long term. I'm actually excited to have some bad dates so that I can share them with people. They're usually so bad that it's funny, or so awkward you want to cry (like One date I went on with a man who had a full blown erection kind of proud of it as he carried back my beer from the bar and maybe he didn't know it but it was JUST as awkward  then as it was in the 8th grade- WHERE DO YOU PUT YOUR EYES!?!)

Gosh. I AM living the dream.

My goal isn't to find a boyfriend/husband...that will happen in time. I'm certain I'm not destined to wander the face of the planet alone and without a partner. I'm just meant to be by myself right now. And I'm a firm believer that you don't find the right people/jobs/situations/your keys when you look for them. It's when you live your life the best way you know how and in the best way that you know how that you are really able to 'find' the right people/jobs/situations/your keys.