You know what I want to do?

I want to get up reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllly early in the morning, throw on some pants, grab a morning beverage, pump my music up and just drive to nowhere in particular and just keep going until I get there.
I want to do that with anyone who loves road trips and won't complain and ask if we're there yet. Because we won't know where 'there' is per say. Just go in the directions of the mountain or the beach...Or the worlds largest Matzoh ball. Or the chopstick festival. Or wherever.

I want to go camping for 2 days. Not one because thats not long enough- and not three because it's too long.

I would like to make out, in the rain, in the middle of the day, getting completely drenched and not caring.

It'd be nice to win something. Something extraordinary like an all expenses paid trip to someplace warm and tropical.

One day I want to make a huge difference in peoples lives. In a way where they send me holiday cards and invite me to their weddings.

I'd like to be a mother. The kind of mother that takes their kids out of school one or two times a year for an adventure day. And teaches them how to climb a tree, build a couch fort and lets them draw on the walls (well, one designated wall in their own space). The kind of mom they aren't bothered or embarrassed by.

Eventually, I'd like to own my own wellness center. The kind of place that helps people find balance in their own lives- Holistically. Be it via nutrition, exercise or developing some kind of skill...I want to have the kind of place that people can go to and be happy.

I'd like to travel the world. I don't need a home, or fancy things...I DO need to experience other countries, and cultures. I want to eat up the world and take pictures, and bring home tiny memories...I'd like to do this with somebody who can appreciate that.

I'd like to build a tree house.
I'd like to have a garden (filled with herbs, and vegetables, and fruit, and flowers). I'd also like to keep bees. I'd make sure that they had a flower filled garden that they could buzz around in for months on end.
I'd have honey to use for ages, and give some to my neighbors, friends and family just like the few people I know who have bee keepers in their families do for me.

I'd like to constantly be getting better at the things I'm not good at. While it's a running joke that I am terrible at Math, one day I'd like to be quite good at it.

When I'm an old lady, Id like to have beautiful white hair. I'd keep it long and be one of those sexy silver foxes. I want to age gracefully. No botox, or holding on to my youth like a foolish hag. It's so embarassing when you see women dress entirely too young for their age. Keep in mind I won't go meekly into my golden years...I'm going to find the balance between hip and age appropriate.


I want to be a better person. I'd like to do more volunteer work. And I'd like to inspire others to do the same. I want to organize fundraisers. And participate in charity events. I'd like my life to make a difference to others.

And I never want to live a fear based life. I always want to jump off the cliffs, and take the risks and face the challenges I'm presented with. Because otherwise whats the point?

I want to learn how to work with metal so I can weld huge lawn sculptures out of recycled scrap metal. 

Eventually I'd like to write a book.

That is what I want to do.

The path less taken...

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."
— Ralph Waldo Emerson

This is one of my most favorite quotes. One of the things that is important to me regarding myself and others is being an individual. Living the life that best represents you; that you will be proud to look back on- the life that you would want your children to emulate. Creating your legacy and to sum it all up in a neat little package- living your truth. So many people foster these archaic delusions that they are supposed to be doing certain things- be it go to school and be something that your family/parents expect you to. Or get married young, have babies and "live the dream". For many this is self imposed, while for others it's societal or family pressure to get you to conform or meet others expectations.

Maybe I'm lucky to have parents who encouraged me to be myself, but the thought of doing something because a) others are doing it b) it's expected c) it's easy- is not reason enough. It never has been. Peer pressure was never an issue. I never thought anyone was cool enough to follow if I didn't MYSELF think that what they were doing was what I wanted to do. My grandma said I was born knowing who I was- that probably helped a lot.

SO who am I?

I'm the girl who:
-at the stop light who's window is open, and music is up dancing and singing- who then turns and smiles while you watch her. who blows kisses at the angry drivers who flip her off.
-doesn't care what they're wearing on the streets of Paris/Milan/London...because odds are it won't fit my short curvy body. and is completely happy about it. who wants to wear what everyone else is?
-no matter how much trouble it would be, would go out of her way to make your day/bed/tummy and life/ full asking nothing in return but your love/grattitude.
-will almost always be down for karaoke.
-wants to travel the world and devour it like a summer-ripe, juice dripping down your arm nectarine.
-believes that kindness/a hug/a snack/a nap is the answer to all of lifes problems.
-believes in karma/wishes/magic/love.
-would have no problem: describing the 'feeling' a color has/how to make dinner from almost nothing/sleeping under the stars/changing a tire/explaining a safety bunt <thanks Greg>/direct you which way is North/drive to where you are in the middle of the night b/c you need me/ but couldn't help you with anything mathematical.
-worked really hard to be open about growing up a Messianic Jew. And will verbally punch you in the face if you tell me it means I'm not really Jewish.
-shamelessly wears her heart on her sleeve (remember a few blog entries ago? It's a reoccurring theme)
-is learning to find comfort in the silence that used to compel me to talk incessantly.
-will stand up for what is right even if it's not cool.
-managed to find peace from within during the most chaotic times of her life.
-will always be herself even if it means people won't like her as much.
-will defend her friends to the end. It takes a lot to make me end a friendship. I've only done it twice....I'm still friends with my ex- so that says a lot. Those people were toxic and their misery makes me feel terribly sad for them and their friends and loved ones. (I mean that in a genuine way and not in a condescending way even though it seems that way)
-can open an avocado in her sleep, cuts a mango in a way that makes it super easy to eat, and always cooks with love.
-learns every day that my flaws are ok because somebody will find them beautiful and that it's ok to be vulnerable. the right people won't exploit it.
-is never jealous of her friends because I'm happy when good things happen to the people I love.
-will never cut down another person to make myself feel better.

I feel like that was a sales pitch- but sometimes I like to take inventory of myself, who I am as a reminder that it's ok to be imperfect and also just as ok to like who you are. Even if others see it as conceited- and not confident.

Thankful .

My best friend of 20 years had a baby yesterday. A healthy beautiful little girl. And I could not be happier. I love this little peanut of a girl so much!
I am thankful that a girl who is for lack of a better word is my sister is healthy and well after the experience, and that her husband was a wonderful coach and support for her.

I am thankful for my health. Every morning I wake up, and can move my little toes- and feel the breeze on my face...I have more miracles happening at one time than I could possibly count.

My family...while not as whole as I'd like, is so full of love and compassion. I love them so much it's scary. My cousins are all interesting, hugehearted people. My aunts and uncles all have stories that captivate and teach me about life. I have all four of my grandparents. They are all in relatively good health...I am so thankful for that too.

I live in a beautiful apartment, I have amazing friends, and a fabulous job. I am so humbled by how wonderful my life is.



Thank you thank you thank you....I am so grateful.

In Defense of Men....Yeah, you read that correctly.

You know what I'm sick of?

I'm sick of reverse misogyny. Or female chauvinism. The seemingly socially acceptable man bashing that happens whenever a group of unenlightened and even some self-proclaimed enlightened women gather.

We (women) as a gender quite often complain how we are lumped together as these shoe/shopping obsessed, chick-flick watching, overly emotional, relationship focused hens clucking away about so-and-so and what she wore/who she's dating/screwing/or unfortunately...how men suck and why. Uh...so not ok.

Perhaps it's the succumbing to stereotypes that I find to be so completely deplorable, or maybe it's my really strong respect for so many great, kind men...but I can't just be one of those women. I refuse to assume all men are scum, and they all do such-and such so automatically they suck.
Now don't assume I'm naive, or looking at an entire gender through rose-colored glasses. I have enough male friends, and experiences with men to know that they operate a certain way- and have certain proclivities. THAT being said, I don't believe that all men are dogs. Or scum. Or jerks.

Yes, I'm saying this after all the  ridiculous dates, callous and seemingly heartless behavior and confused conversations where 'I just don't get it'....regarding and involving men.
Why? Because I'm not a jerk. Why would I write off an entire gender? What makes it ok to make mean, hurt-based comments about all men when it is an individual that behaved like a dick-bag. Is dick-bag derogatory? That's what I mean...It's just important to be nice to everyone regardless of their genitals. Also, one day I plan on marrying one again. I'm 100% sure he won't be a jerk, or scum, or deserving of man-bashing. And one day, I plan on having that dudes kids. And one or more of those kids could be a dude. And then what? The way that men have to be good role models for their daughters, I think mothers have just as much of a role in how their sons relate later on in life. Seriously. Don't be an asshole to men. They don't deserve it. Unless they do. But thats because they're a jerk...not because they're a male.

Seriously. I think part of being an enlightened person is being nice, and treating all people with kindness, love and respect regardless of their having two X chromosomes or a Y thrown in.


And that has been brought to you by a woman(former femi-nazi) who loves and cares for her dad, grandpas, great grandfather (who she happened to have been quite close to), brother, and all the future men in her life.